And away we go……………….

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I’m on my quixotic quest in earnest.

 

Split from the beloved at Miami airport. The connection to Atlanta was tight so I had to run to the Skytrain, but made it with a few minutes to spare. I arrive in Atlanta, but my case and clubs do not. Richard from Baggage Claims tells me not to worry my pretty head as there are another two flights from Miami that night and he is sure that they will be on one of them. He gives me a phone number that will get me straight through to him and he’ll be able to tell me that my stuff has arrived and I’ll be able to tell him where I am staying so they can send it over, (did I mention I didn’t have a hotel yet?).

 

I decide that I don’t want to start driving on the right at night time. Accordingly, I catch the Skytrain to car rentals so I can explain that I want to get the car tomorrow. Steve explains to be that if I do that it will cost me an extra $US300 as I won’t get the same rate. Steve goes on to explain that I need to get the “We try to get as much as possible out of gullible Australians insurance package”. This will only cost me an extra $US1,960 on top of the original $US1,100 and if I don’t have it that not only me, but any of my present or future progeny will legally belong to Thrifty Car Rentals should the car be involved in accident (regardless of fault) or if it is stolen. I of course thought this was terribly fair-minded, but explained to Steve that I have travel insurance. Steve laughed quietly to himself and explained “that doesn’t mean anything”. Steve was from Jamaica and he might as well said, “You will be sorry if you cross me. You better understand that you are alone and a long way from home”. So things are going swimmingly.

 

Next the hotel.

I ring Expedia and request Best Western. The gentleman on the other end of the phone, I am pretty sure is in Manila and hasn’t got much a clue about what I am saying, but is going better than me understanding him. He explains that there is nothing available at Best Western, but there is at the Marriott. Or at least that was my interpretation. It may have been that he said that he likes “breast wrestling, but that his favourite mama had been shot”. I settle on the Marriott. It was one stop Back on the Skytrain and with any luck I will soon have my ass in bed (I am already going native). I go back one stop and into the Marriott still carrying an oversize case, an overweight backpack and a set of golf clubs. I explained to the young lass behind the jump that I have a reservation. She explains that I do not, but there is a Marriott directly opposite that will probably have it. I turn to go. Her, “I love that accent”. Me, “Thank you”. Her, “Where you from honey? (Mind you, she is about 19 to 20 years of age). Me “Melbourne Australia”. Her (excitedly) “I’m from Melbourne Florida”. She then high-fives me, laughing uproariously. I find it hard to imagine a similar reaction from a hotel receptionist in Melbourne. It is hard not to like these people. I walk the 300 metres to the other Marriot (clubs, backpack, suitcase). No booking. Her “Hold on sweetie” (I shit you not that is what she said. Me 56, her 19 at a push.) “I’ll check the other one”. Other one? FFS! It turns out that this is where I belong. “They’ll call you a taxi out the front”. They do. Am I supposed to tip them? At this stage I’m willing to tip someone for not punching me. 15 minutes later -booked in. 30 min later -beer and hamburger. 2 hours later – try to ring Richard. First time – voice activated response – “your baggage has not been detected”. 2nd time – A real person! She can’t find my luggage. I mention Richard. She disappears,  but after a time returns to tell me she has spoken to the supervisor at Atlanta baggage and he doesn’t know a Richard. This causes me to recall those Monty Python skits where there was a doctor in a white coat who would be challenged by an off-camera policeman “Hey you”and would suddenly dash off in a panic. Was that my Richard? I go and ball up in bed. Can’t sleep – no idea why not. Ring American airlines Baggage claims – Automated response – “Your baggage has not been detected”. I recall the words of that great 20/21st Century philosopher Adrian “Ramrod” Jenkins, “You are never fucked Brian, you are never fucked”.

I realise I’m fucked.

 

Day 2:

 

  • WWWoes
  • Road kill
  • Evelyn
  • Car troubles
  • Faux Australiana
  • You were in the show!!!!!!!
  • Will I am

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