Hope floats

I decide to go to Hope Arkansas. This is Clinton’s birthplace. I want to go to his Presidential Library. I’m a Bill fan. But partly I want to see how they handle the whole Monica, Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers et al thing. Do they just ignore it? Say “he was a hard dawg to keep on the porch”? Or do they say Hilary encouraged him to “live life to the full”?
The Presidential Library isn’t in Hope. It is in Little Rock (the State capitol) and a long way away. There is bugger all in Hope. A little known fact: It used to be known as “Abandon Hope all ye who enter here” and this got shortened down to first Hopeless and now Hope. Bill Clinton’s first campaign used the line “A man from a place called Hope”. What they didn’t mention was that he had the good sense to get out of there as soon as he could. Not to put too fine a point on it, this is a prick of a joint.

Scene: Front desk of a non-descript hotel in Hope, Arkansas.

Character 1: Slightly dishevelled, slightly (well more than slightly) smelly, slightly disorientated man from southern climes.
Character 2: A very well organised, well presented, sweet smelling man tending the counter.
Character 1: “Where do I go to get a drink”?
Character 2: “This a dry County sir”
Character 1: A long pause, “What does that mean”?
Character 2: “You can’t buy alcohol”
Character 1: A long pause, “What does that mean”?
Character 2: “This is the Bible Belt sir”
Character 1: “But I want a drink”
Character 2: “I’m sorry sir- you have Bill Clinton to blame”
Character 1: “But I want a drink”
This went on for a while before Character 1 found out (from another guest – a very smug guest – who always brought alcohol with him when in the Bible belt) that 30 miles away in Fulton you can buy take away alcohol. This seems extreme (an hour round trip) –surely Character 1 can go without for 1 night. Only someone who has never been to Hope would think this.

I arrive in Fulton. Town Slogan; “It might be shithole, but at least we have got booze”. The grog dispensing establishment is set up in two separate side by side buildings. Building 1 = Beer. Building 2 = Hard Liquor. So Building 2 for me. There is a rather odd looking chap there. Think Dexy Midnight Runner crossed with Ted Nugent with an incongruous large Steve Waugh red rag hanging out his pants. He spots a very large man who he knows. He is much more pleased to see the large gent than the large gent is to see him. He hugs the large gent. The large gent’s reaction? Imagine the sort of reaction you had as a kid when Great Uncle Merv gave you a hug when you were pretty sure Great Uncle Merv had a sizable stiffy happening. Large gent “Where you been man?” Odd Looking Gent (OLG), very happily, “I’ve been in jail”. This was not whispered. Large gent “Oh……….ummmm how is Darlene”? OLG “We are separated – I’m sorry to say there was domestic vi-o-lence involved”. Again this was not whispered and he didn’t seem at all sorry – if anything, gleeful. I quickly pay and scurry out. Would it be wrong to neck a 2 litre Jim Beam while driving?

• I am Marshall
• Texarkana
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• Cut me Mick! Cut me!