Al, Calamity and Wild Bill.

This where I should have taken a left turn. I never did make it to Pismo Beach.

I play Ontario, Oregon (a 43 without much cheating at all). Lovell, Wyoming 87. Billings, Montana 91. I understand there is not much story telling here. However, you have got to appreciate that this is a lot of driving and not much anecdote gathering. Which is not to say it is not fantastic. You are driving through incredible scenery that changes spectacularly every 10 to 15 miles. But, me being slack-jawed and saying aloud to myself, “fuck!….fuck’n hell!….fuck me!…Christ look at that!” is not exactly Shakespearean or edifying.

Old Faithful. If you like things that are a bit spurty and are regular this is for you, otherwise it’s rubbish.

At my accountant’s urging I go to Deadwood, South Dakota. He, like me is a fan of the HBO series. So despite having already played the Dakotas here I am. If you are not a Deadhead feel free to skip this bit. I do the tour of the town which includes Wild Bill’s and Calamity’s graves on Boot hill. A bit of Wiki on Wild Bill’s murder.

It is reported that Hickok had a premonition that Deadwood would be his last camp, and expressed this belief to his friend Charlie Utter (also known as Colorado Charlie) and the others who were traveling with them at the time. On August 2, 1876, Hickok was playing poker at Nuttal & Mann’s in Deadwood. Hickok usually sat with his back to a wall. The only seat available when he joined the poker game that afternoon was a chair that put his back to a door. Twice he asked another player, Charles Rich, to change seats with him, and on both occasions Rich refused.

 Jack McCall

A former buffalo hunter, Jack McCall (better known as “Crooked Nose Jack”), entered the saloon unnoticed by Hickok. McCall walked to within a few feet of Hickok, drew a pistol and shouted, “Damn you! Take that!” before firing at Hickok point blank. McCall’s bullet hit Hickok in the back of the head, killing him instantly. The bullet emerged through Hickok’s right cheek, striking another player, Captain Massie, in the left wrist.

Wild Bill gets killed at 12, 2, 4 and 6 every day at the local Saloon #10 and never seems to wise up. Wild Bill of course was holding the famous dead man’s hand, Aces and eights. Crooked Nose Jack was acquitted by a Deadwood jury as he claimed he was avenging his brother’s murder. He was tried a second time in  the capital, Yankton and was found guilty, not least because it was found that he only ever had sisters.

Calamity Jane is depicted as being at least a part time lesbian in the TV series. I ask the tour guide about this. He has never seen the show! Deadwood has a population of 1,288 and incredibly has had an enormous hit series based there. But a Deadwood tour guide has never seen it. I’m pretty sure if HBO makes a series about Kaniva and the legend of Roger Merrett most of the locals would have a look.

What is not contested is that Jane worked spasmodically as a hooker. I realise that there was a shortage of women, but you know………..

The person I was most intrigued by was the Slimey Limey, Al Swearengen.  Al has been ranked as the 10th most villainous character in television history. However it turns out that as evil as he is in the show he was apparently much worse in real life. This doesn’t even appear possible. A bit of wiki about Al.

Swearengen lured desperate young women from far away to Deadwood, then forced them into prostitution through a combination of bullying and physical brutality, committed by himself and his henchmen. The results were highly lucrative: the Gem earned an average $5,000 a week, sometimes as much as $10,000 (worth between $140,000 and $280,000 when inflation-adjusted for 2009.

It seems Al wasn’t even English. He was a twin, born in Iowa. He was killed via a massive head trauma in 1904 in Denver. His twin was similarly dispatched a fortnight later. Neither murder was ever solved.

• Sooo good looking
• Not as good as Kinglake.
• Just like the song.