LA LA land and it is all done. I play the last round, with Ben, a nurse, originally from West Virginia. Ben is a great fellow and that is just as well as I wouldn’t want to finish off playing with someone who is bit ordinary. After a few holes, Brent, one of the pros joins us for about half dozen holes. Ben skinnies one along the ground and up onto the green. I do the same thing two holes on for a birdie. I explain to Brent that this is my old cricket training that you have to keep the ball on the ground. Brent “Well I don’t know anything about cricket, but I think you guys might be onto something”. I had considered finishing off at Pebble Beach as a celebration after doing the 50th in LA. But I found out the next day that I would need to stay there and that I would be looking at $2,000 US. So maybe when the $A gets back to $1.08.
Ben and that is all done and dusted.
I decide to fill in the last day by going on a studio tour. The reason I became fascinated by the USA was first through the old man, who loved W.C.Fields, the Marx brothers, Jimmy Cagney and Bogie. I subsequently also fell in love with Looney Tunes, Clint and Seinfeld. Warner Bros had all of Bogie, Bugs and Seinfeld. They also had a fair slab of Clint. So fuck Jaws, I’m off to the house that Jack built. Me and 15 others all jump into a sort of giant golf cart. We have a tour guide who breaks the ice by saying “Who likes the Big Bang Theory?“ Big Cheer. “Who likes Friends?” Big Cheer. “Who likes the Gilmore Girls?” Big Cheer. Well a big cheer from everyone, but one grumpy old prick. WTF! This is where they made Casablanca, where a frog sang “I’m just wild about Harry” and where Harry said “do you feel lucky punk”. The Big Bang Theory? Sort of OK. But you know – they’re nerds – fuck! – we get it – can we move on. Friends? Maybe they have found the fabled long lost episode “The one where something actually funny happened”. The Gilmore Girls. Oh sweet Jesus, the Gilmore Girls. The goddess used to make me watch this, until I started to cut myself.
For the first hour and half I started to think longingly of a certain Jewish cowboy with a fantastic grasp of international affairs. But then the guided part of the tour was over and things pick up remarkably. It was off to the props department and then the museum.
I know it’s blurry, but it is the most powerful handgun in the world and could blow your head clean off.
This is not the original piano from Rick’s Cafe Americain. It is a reproduction that they used in the 1955 Television series. The original sold at auction in 2014 for $3.2 million.
Supposedly a facsimile of the storyboard for Casablanca. This is obvious bullshit. They didn’t have a storyboard. Up until the last day of shooting, they didn’t even know who would get the girl.
Jack Warner’s phone book. I don’t know if any of these numbers still work. I tried to call Bette, Walt and Salvador, but no luck.
The crucifix from the Exorcist. Probably best that an old ex Altar Boy doesn’t say anything about its role in the movie. Except to say my sweet old headmistress, Sister Urban, wouldn’t be pleased. Conversely, I’m sure the old school handyman, Groundskeeper Bert would be delighted. Sorry, bit of an in joke there.
I didn’t know this, but they also made the West Wing here and I am an absolute wingnut.
Jed’s desk.
Where Jed used to sit others down.
The best thing on the whole tour.
- Epilogue
- What’s next?
50 States of golf 