Ciao baby, let’s call it a day.

Well, it being over, has made me somewhat wistful. So I decide to reread the blog. L.P. Hartley was right, “The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.” I found it hard to believe the courage of that young kid Donnelly back in 2013, taking on car rental clerks. One of whom was on the phone an ocean away and the other was a 4’11” (in both directions), Irishman. Or the bravest action of all (after being back for a fortnight, after the first tilt) announcing to the goddess “You know, I just had the most fantastic time”. Why say that. What good could come from that?

Anyway I have had a number (one is a number) of requests about what the rules of 50 states of golf are/were. So here they are:

• One State – One Course.
• If you didn’t know there was hazard there or didn’t realise you could reach it with your next shot – free drop.
• If you are pretty sure you have hit it down the middle, but can’t find it – free drop.
• If you aren’t sure which way the green breaks- no worries – hit an exploratory ball – free of penalty.
• If you are called through because you are on your own and you hurry on through (trying to do the right thing) and stuff up your drive – mulligan – no penalty.
• A bunker party of more than two shots only counts as two. No penalty.
• No beer for the first nine.
• 2 beers for the back nine.
• Must go back to the clubrooms and have at least 2 beers.
• You can only explain the 50 states of golf if asked. And if they haven’t see you play you can pretend you can play.

The rules may go some way to explaining why a chap who doesn’t appear to have clue south of the equator is able to post some pretty reasonable scores north of the equator.

What next?  Well Wiki reckons that there are 50 countries in Europe. This includes a lot of dodgy ones such as the one that this lad came from:

I wouldn’t mind going to his village where there is his “43-year-old mother”, “No. 4 prostitute in all of Kazakhstan sister”, “the town rapist”, and “the town mechanic and abortionist”.

I’m not sure if this tour happens, it will involve golf. Maybe I’ll go back to killing periodontists. Or just go from country to country solving crime like a slightly younger, slightly butcher, Angela Lansbury.  My preferred option at this stage is to test the medical procedures of each country. I will use the second born to employ Munchausen syndrome by proxy with him being the proxy.

Scene: No 40: Me “Well that finishes it – 4,336 shots (thinks to self, over 60 of which I was quite pleased with), 28,183 kilometres and 50 states”. Her “What was that dear?

So to quote the Doors:

This is the end, my only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you’ll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end.

I now realise I haven’t a clue what they were on about it. But maybe the third last line is apt.