Illinois: I played Illinois last time. South Illinois – Cairo and the like. But I have to travel across Illinois again, this time the northern part. I call into a bar in Wenona. Owner “Where you from honey?” Me “Australia”. Her, “We had some girls from Australia here the other night, they were lovely” Me “Where were they from?” Her “Honey, I don’t know. They did say, but I couldn’t understand a word they said. You all talk funny”. One of the other patrons pays for my drinks. “I never bought an Australian a beer before. Hell! I’ve never met an Australian.” The owner gives me a Stubbie holder and helpfully explains how it works. “You put the beer in here”. Maybe I am the only Australian to ever have this concept explained. But, how nice are these people!
Worth getting off the Interstate to soak up these views.
Ohio: Play with an ex teacher called Tom who can really play. I can’t. A 93. He is young retiree who plays 4 to 5 times per week. I somehow bugger up and don’t have his picture even though I know I took it (I think). But here is a picture of something even better from Ohio.
Indiana: The home of the Fight’n Irish. Notre Dame. I thought Notre Dame was in the North East and part of the whole Yale, Harvard, Ivy League carry on. I thought this because President Bartlett (in the West Wing) barracked for them and he was from New Hampshire. But the reason he supports (I refuse to say “roots”) for them is that they are a Mick team. As of the conclusion of the 2013 season, there have been 237 consecutive sell-outs at Notre Dame Stadium, and 282 sell-outs in the past 283 games dating back to 1964. This is no dinky stadium. It holds over 80,000 people. This is not a senior NFL side. This is college ball. I’m pretty sure Assumption or Uni Blues don’t pull those sorts of numbers.
I play with Chuck, Gerry and Kevin. Just ripper blokes who are terribly supportive of a hack that is having a bad day even for his shitty standard. Chuck changes his distance finder over to metres so he can give me distances that I can more readily understand. As if this was what was holding me back. 52 for the front nine. 44 for the back. Kevin is very sweary which I love and makes me a little homesick.
Chuck, Gerry and Kevin.
Gerry “Brian, do you want Kevin to say fuck for the camera?”
The lads shout me beer back at the 19th which is endearing and as I have said previously, a little awkward in that you don’t get to shout them back.
Iowa: In Bull Durham, Shoeless Joe Jackson as he emerges from the corn field (where else) asks the Kevin Costner character “is this heaven”? the Kevin Costner character replies “No, it is Iowa”. Now honestly, if heaven in anyway resembles Iowa, I think I would choose the alternative.
I have lost my card from Iowa, but I’m sure I played terrific.
How could you ever get tired of this?
• Nebraska and South Dakota: Maybe I can play!
• Fargo: Yeah, they really sound like that.
• Even bigger than Chaddy! I’m just not sure why.
50 States of golf 